Instagram is the best and worst place to hang out after having a baby. You get to show off your beautiful new baby, and it’s the best, you come across all the other new mums going through the same thing as you emotionally and mentally, which is awesome, but then there’s the other side.
The insta-perfect mums that have jumped back into their skinny jeans straight after giving birth, who supposedly have babies that don’t cry, don’t do huge poo explosions and they seem to be perfectly capable of managing their new mum lives with ease and grace and not a mum bun in site.
It’s depressing, it’s blindsiding and so overwhelming. You feel so guilty for even worrying about what someone else is doing when you should be focusing on your newborn, and secondly, you can’t believe that this woman has achieved this…you’re way off from getting back to pre-baby body let alone parading it around in a bikini. Is that how I should look already? (Forgetting that most of these mums can probably afford the personal trainer, chef and photographer who probably has good old photoshop at their finger tips).
Fast forward to 5 months later, and Andy and I were getting married. I was so set on losing my baby weight before our wedding, but with new mum life going on, it just didn’t happen. Then another 5 months later and were getting ready to go on honeymoon, and still the baby weight had not shifted. I was feeling a little down about it, and kept looking back at photos from our previous holiday to Mexico (where we got engaged) but I was determined to not let it ruin our first family holiday, and luckily, that’s exactly what it was, a holiday resort for families.
I have travelled the world, living in a bikini most days and was always self conscious about my body, especially when so many people around me looked amazing, looking back, it was like a real version of love island, everyone always insta worthy, except me probably…I didn’t feel that way at all. I was worried this holiday would be the same.
Luckily IT WASN’T and I loved it. The mums rocking their mum bods in their bikinis and swimsuits, having fun with their kids and just enjoying life, showing every stretch mark, flab roll and patch of cellulite, not giving a fuck and it was great. It made me realise that I should be the same.
Why am I worried about what I look like? Why does it matter? Who am I trying to impress? The only people I care about are with me everyday, seeing every inch of me, and still loving me.
Do I think my son is thinking about my mum tum or does he just want me to be a fun, happy mum. Do I want him to grow up and look back on memories of me feeling self conscious and anxious, or of me smiling, laughing, letting go and enjoying life. What if we ever had a daughter, I wouldn’t want her to worry about her looks, and I should role model that to all my children, whether it’s just Joshua or if we have anymore.
I came home and unfollowed all those skinny, airbrushed women who just made me feel miserable. They were stunning and perfect and I thought that by following them, they would inspire me to get into shape…they didn’t…it never happened. I found some cool people to follow who truly are an inspiration (@Chessie King, @The Birds Papaya to name a couple) they make me feel amazing about my body and about myself in general. They don’t give a flying fuck what anyone thinks about them and they are so down to earth that it makes me want to be more frank, more candid and just honest about my everyday life.
Its true, I want to be healthy and sure I’d wouldn’t mind losing a couple of pounds, but as long as I’m healthy and happy, I certainly won’t be counting the calories and stocking up on apple cider vinegar anytime soon – which I’ve tried, it sucks, don’t bother, eat the cake.